Can I live with this feeling forever?

How does one deal with unwanted feelings without reverting to familiar coping strategies? We all have our favorite ways of avoiding or escaping unwanted feelings of unease. If we are smart, we will opt for healthy escapes such as exercise.

But if we are really smart, we will face these uncomfortable feelings and put an end to the never ending cycle of seeking relief from our unease. Mea culpa...I'm not there yet.

There are some powerful spiritual tools that we can bring to bear and I will review them briefly. But trust me on this point, these tools won't work if we have a secret agenda of avoidance. They only work when we are truly tired of suffering and prepared to take a curious and investigative approach to unwanted feelings. Let's face it, sometimes we are not able to do this, especially when we are in an emotional state, and that's ok too. Sometimes watching TV or going for a long walk is the best we can do in that moment.

12 years ago before I found this path, I got fired from my job and had 4 wisdom teeth pulled on the same day! I spent the day curled up on the couch and watched Lord of the Rings trilogy. If that were to happen tomorrow, I might to do the same thing.

This is a situational example of feeling badly so its not really a problem. It is the chronic feelings of unrest, unease and sense of lack that is the problem. This needs to be addressed if we are going to be completely free and liberated. Like many people, these feelings often appear in the evening hours for some reason, and we feel the desire to escape this experience. It is in this moment of resistance that the separate self is literally created.

I have the tools, but do I have the courage to follow through? My success will largely depend on the following:

-Do I love myself and my body enough to change my patterns of behavior?

-Do I want it badly enough? Am I prepared to give up my favorite vices to achieve the desire-less state?

The mind will trick us and say things like, "There is nothing wrong with having one beer" Which is true, there is nothing wrong with beer, or chocolate, or watching Netflix. This is when we need to be completely honest with ourselves, because the mind is a liar. It is the mind's way of fighting for its survival because it knows the end is near. The beer can either be a celebration of life, or it can be used as a crutch. Deep down we know the difference.

This is when the personal development work that we have done along the way is valuable. It is not about good or bad, or guilt or shame or anything like that. It is about being honest with ourselves and loving ourselves enough to break the patterns of behavior that we use as crutches to avoid our current experience.

On one hand the truth is simple stuff. I am Universal Awareness. On the other hand, this journey will squeeze everything out of you until there is nothing left. There is no hiding on this journey.

In a nutshell, the following are 3 tools available to a truth seeker when experiencing unwanted feelings:

1. Self-Inquiry: On whose behalf am I having these thoughts and feelings? The more we look, the less we find.

2. Witness the unwanted thoughts and feelings from a distance as the ever present space of Awareness, as a result, it is possible to transcend our experience.

3. Rather than moving away from the experience, we get closer. So close that the objects of experience disappear because there is no room for separation. We do this until, as Rupert Spira says, we can live with this feeling forever.

It makes sense for a truth seeker to experiment with all of these tools. The key is being curious, like an explorer or scientist, without having an agenda to get rid of them. This is impossible to do when we are in the heat of an emotion, since you will just be adding more resistance onto the initial resistance in an effort to get rid of it.

At the end of the day, unwanted feelings are nothing but bodily sensations. They can't hurt us. We just need to face them and shine the light of Awareness onto them and expose them for what they are...just another impermanent object of experience appearing and disappearing in the knowing space of Awareness. The truth always sets us free.

This part of the journey has been the hardest and most slippery for me. But I know what needs to be done. That part is clear. Tonight I am very much reminded of this quote taken from the movie Scent of a Woman.

"Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew what the right path was. Without exception I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard"

-Lt. Colonel Frank Slade